Quote 46
My father used to say that sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them. I feel good when I do something I know he would be proud of, like it makes up for all the things I've done that he wouldn't be proud of. (16.17)
Here's one way Tris finds to deal with past guilt. Yes, she abandoned her family, but she can still put into practice some of their lessons, like helping other people, or scrubbing the floor like her mom would (17.3). Does this make up for her past guilt, though? Or does she still feel guilty?
Quote 47
Somewhere inside me is a merciful, forgiving person. Somewhere there is a girl who tries to understand what people are going through, who accepts that people do evil things and that desperation leads them to darker places than they ever imagined. I swear she exists, and she hurts for the repentant boy I see in front of me. But if I saw her, I wouldn't recognize her. (23.92-3)
Here's a guilt and blame twofer: (1) how much does Tris blame Al for joining with Peter and attacking her?; and (2) how guilty does Tris feel for not forgiving Al? It's curious that this issue of guilt and blame is phrased in the same way that Tris talks about her identity—it's about being able to recognize a part of herself. If only she'd had mirrors growing up.
Quote 48
I shake my head and take a bite. What did I expect? Just because we kissed doesn't mean anything changes. Maybe he changed his mind about liking me. Maybe he thinks kissing me was a mistake. (27.11)
Oh, girlfriend, we've all been there. Aggravatingly (and relatably), her first response to Four ignoring her is to blame herself for getting her hopes up and misreading the situation. Even in the dystopian future, there's going to your room to feel bad about yourself when relationships seem to be going wrong. Some things never change.