A priest and a rabbi walk into a club. Who pays the cover?

The rabbi, obviously. Why? He's getting paid a cool $100,000 more a year than the priest.

Oy! (Source)

Oy vey.

The average rabbi makes about $140,000 a year, which means he's probably making more than a lot of doctors out there. Who knew there was money in brises and Bar Mitzvahs? Your Jewish mother, that's who, although she may still expect you to go to med school. While the gig pays well, there are fewer and fewer openings these days due to the recession and a declining practicing Jewish population. Many synagogues have been closing up doors or consolidating.

Still, somebody's gotta carry the Torah.

Besides, most people don't go into the profession for the money. They go into it because they have a genuine desire to serve their community. You have to really love your Judaism to spend the five years at a Yeshiva (that's rabbi school, in case you missed it in Yentl) getting your Master's, and then a few years being a rabbinical intern tossed in for good measure.

You'll have to be a savvy linguist. Hebrew is required and not just in the casual "Shalom" and "L'chaim" sorta way. The Hebrew Union College (HUC), one of the biggest training schools for reformed rabbis in the country, requires you to spend a year in Israel to get your street Hebrew and accent down cold.  And they're not the only ones who expect you to know Hebrew backwards and forwards...er backwards.

You will have to have thorough knowledge of the Bible and the Torah, Jewish history, Jewish laws, and Jewish customs. You will be the authority and educator.

You'll need to offer comfort and support to those bereaving the death of a loved one, and counseling for those whose marriage resembles The War of the Roses.

You'll also have to juggle the jobs of running a synagogue, making executive decisions to keep the doors open, along with always being available to advise and counsel everyone in your congregation.

While you may imagine all rabbis being old men with long curly beards, young rabbis are actually more sought-after by the coveted congregations than older ones. The powers that be feel that young families, who are the financial backbone of a Temple, relate better to someone their own age.

In addition to counseling in private, you'd better be able to put on a good show in front of a crowd as well. You'll have the eyes and ears of the whole congregation on you at every service. Big personalities have a distinct advantage in this regard.

Hopefully, you'll be an entertaining speaker with good stories that exemplify the lessons you're teaching. Boring and didactic sermons will have the crowd running elsewhere for their High Holiday tickets. You want to appear youthful and vibrant. You want to be the fun rabbi. Everybody loves the fun rabbi.

If you'd rather sing your way through service, you could always be a cantor. They don't make the big bucks that rabbis do, but they get to spend their days walking around with nifty wooden guitars and getting paid to make music (unlike most musicians). Hey, just because Neil Diamond wasn't up for it in The Jazz Singer, it doesn't mean his father wasn't right.

You can also choose to be a rabbi without a roof. Rabbis are needed in hospitals, Jewish camps, and there's even a Rabbis Without Borders program.

A rabbi can be many things: a spiritual leader, a counselor, and someone to pass the kishke or cut the challah at Sabbath dinner. But each and every rabbi must also be a teacher.

Sure she's got her Yiddishkeit workin'. She'll wear a wig and dress like Esther at the Temple Purim shpiel and bless the Manishevitz at Kiddish. She's the one at the head of the Bimah at weddings, funerals, baby namings (but not the bris, that's a Mohel—although some Mohels are indeed also rabbis).

Wait a second...she?

Rabbis are typically assumed to be men, but what if you're a female?

If you're an Orthodox Jew, you're out of luck. There are no Orthodox women rabbis. You can still study Torah and go through all of the same rabbinical education as a man; however, the best you can hope for is being called a "spiritual advisor."

On the other hand, the numbers of Reformed and even Conservative Jewish women rabbis are on the rise.

Take that, patriarchy. (Source)

At California's American Academy for Jewish Religion, 60% of students are women. Female rabbis even have their own network.

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