Dolphin Trainer Career

Dolphin Trainer Career

The Real Poop

That trip to SeaWorld in third-grade was awesome, wasn't it? You took one look at those beautiful, graceful dolphins leaping out of the water, spinning and twisting, and you just knew...one day, you would work with dolphins.

You at the office, in an ideal world. (Source)

Too bad everyone, their camp counselors, and their camp counselors' mothers took the same exact trip to SeaWorld.

But you're different. You love animals. You grew up with two quirky, animal-loving, vegetarian parents. You had two dogs, an iguana, a cockatoo, four toucans, and six turtles. That's a pretty cool childhood, we'll admit. But you have a long road ahead of you if you hope to one day get paid slightly above minimum wage—roughly $32,000 annually—to frolic with these majestic beasts (source).

Right now, you might be thinking, "Who wouldn't want to be a dolphin trainer?" Great question.

As it turns out, people who don't want to be dolphin trainers are also people who don't want to be broke. This broad category includes people who want to be able to afford vacations (even cheap camping trips in the backwoods). Also, people who might want to splurge on the occasional nice watch—without worrying over whether it can withstand dives under water.

But wait, there's more.

People who don't like strangers, or explaining things to those strangers, are also lousy at this job, since dolphin trainers spend a couple hours each day "interacting with" the sweaty masses as they chomp on cotton candy and ask ignorant questions about animal cruelty and dolphin diets....

And, finally, people who can't swim. If your front crawl looks like a sad flounder who's been shot with a tranquilizer gun, there's no future for you here.

So who actually can pull down a job like this? An undergraduate degree in the life sciences (animal biology, marine biology, or behavioral psych) or a certification as a veterinarian technician is a good start. Working and interning at a zoo, wildlife rehab center, or oceanarium is also super helpful. Swimming skills are a must. So is CPR, first aid, and an Open Water Scuba certification. Oh, and an ability to say things like "operant conditioning" with a straight face...and actually know what you're talking about.

You plunk down the cash, you get the certifications. You apply, compete against 500 other applicants for just five open spots at Dolphin Discovery Mystical Water Kingdom, and miracle of miracle...you get the job offer. 

Such yum. (Source)

Here's a quick overview of the next fifteen years of your life: an educational crash-course, a year-long apprenticeship, and two more years as an assistant. You'll face long days, irregular hours, ridiculous amounts of sun, crazy-hard work, and lots of fish.

Ah, fish. We hope you like that delicious briny scent, because fish is the staple food of a dolphin's diet.

And then, at thirty-five, when you're no longer the fastest and fittest of the trainers, you'll retire and become a beach bum, no more dolphins. Hashtag: bummer.

Think that all sounds like an awful lot of work for low pay? All because you think you're, like, totally in love with dolphins? That's because it is a lot of work.

If you like animals, but you also like regular working hours and paying down student loan debts, you might look into veterinary medicine, marine wildlife research, animal husbandry, or something in marine wildlife management and conservation. Not so glamorous, but when you're seventy with four grandchildren that you would like to take out for a nice restaurant dinner, you probably won't be thinking about glamor.