Do you feel that conventional school isn't the thing for you? That you'd rather spend your nights lying in the grass, staring up into the sky? Want to be a student of the universe?

 

So...where's the telescope? (Source)

Then go become a cosmologist. But definitely don't become a cosmetologist...unless your idea of a "universe" is a pair of clippers, a blow-dryer, and a black pleather chair in a discount beauty salon with a sign that says, "Yes, we clip toenails." And your idea of a decent salary is about $25,000 per year (source). (Full disclosure: cosmologists are paid way better than cosmetologists.)

If you've ever had a haircut in a professional-ish salon, the person cutting your hair was probably a licensed cosmetologist. Cosmetologists are professionals licensed to do things with cosmetics (again, not the cosmos). 

What does that mean? Well, there are more shades of cosmetology than there are shades of red nail polish. If you like skin and microdermabrasion, you're an "esthetician." If you love some nail beds, you're a "manicurist." If you work with hair (found on a person's head, not on their face or…lower down), then you're a "hairstylist."

Generally, though, cosmetologists can do it all. That means hair, skin, and nails. A cosmetologist is way more than an appearance-obsessed make-up jockey who watched a couple YouTube videos about applying makeup with dishware. Cosmetologists are actually chemists. 

Okay, fine, maybe not truly, but they've taken a few courses in things like "Shampoo Chemistry" or "Chemistry of Chemical Relaxing" or "Chemistry of Artificial Nail Enhancements."

The point is, they've gone to vocational school, completed a program of typically nine to fifteen months, and have graduated with a license proclaiming their proficiency with the styling of hair, skin, and nails.

 

Today's entry in the "Weird Things We Do For Beauty" category. (Source)

Beyond a license, though, cosmetologists need to be personable with all their clients (even the whiny ones) in order to be successful. They're the kind of people who can get a mime to open up about that one traumatic childhood incident that inspires their sad faces. They're the kind of creative, artsy folks who can rock cat-eye glasses or a crazy hairstyle. And more than anything, a successful cosmetologist has some business savvy—or they'll be out of the biz faster than you can say "paraffin wax treatment."

Let's talk about the economics of a beauty salon. Every year, beauty salons rake in more than twenty billion dollars in the U.S. There's money to be made here—just ask any aging baby boomer on the street with "blonde" hair how much they paid for that symbol of youth. But there are also more than a million beauty salons and spas in the U.S. That makes for some serious competition.

Not that the average cosmetologist owns a beauty salon right off the bat, of course. Most start off as apprentices during cosmetology school. Once they graduate, they rent out a "booth" (a chair) in an existing salon for around $1,000 per month...which isn't cheap if you have no clients yet. 

And while an experienced cosmetologist might see up to twenty clients in one day, there'll be days when the only people you have to talk to are the mannequin heads you use to practice styling hair.

It can often take a few years—three is a good estimate—to build up a solid client base. Meanwhile, you're earning a pittance of around eleven dollars per hour and getting paid on commission for the overpriced products you can convince your clients to buy.

After being essentially self-employed for a while, maybe you'll find a job as a proper employee in a health salon. Or maybe you'll take the plunge and decide to join the million other beauty salons out there in the world and start your own business. 

If you want a proper salon, you'll need to shell out up to $30,000 for equipment—sinks, chairs, hair dryers, a cash register—and up to $20,000 for supplies—hair capes, towels, perm rods, products to sell, and so on (source). Add in rent, insurance, deposits, and utilities, and you're looking at tens and tens of thousands of dollars—which for someone like you, without savings, means a loan.

Now do you understand why so many cosmetologists take business management courses? (Hint: take a couple classes.)

Even if you do everything right, you still might not be making more than twenty bucks an hour, and the hours might not be great (most beauty salons today are open seven days a week, from 10:00AM to 9:00PM). But hopefully you'll have a more interesting and creatively-fulfilling job than you had as a receptionist at a mid-tier pharmaceutical firm. Plus, your hair will look ten million times better.

• More