First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, if you have racked up too many negligent driver points, your license will either be suspended or revoked by the DMV. You can apply for a new license at the end of this period, and hopefully you’ve changed your ways by then. Oh, sure, it starts with a few minor traffic violations here and there, but before you know it you’ll be committing grand larceny, bank fraud, and/or treason. We just don’t want to start seeing your name in the paper. Unless it’s for inventing some useful electronic gadget, or winning a peace prize. That would be pretty cool.

Each time you have a mark on your record, it stays there for at least 24 months (or longer, if you did something really shady). Your license can be suspended if you accumulate 10 points within a two-year period. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes, you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

2-pointers

• Speeding (min.; 8 max.)

• Texting while driving (min.; 5 max)

• Driving without a license

• Failure to stop for a stop sign or red light

• Slam dunks and safeties

4-pointers

• Failure to obey a police officer

• Failure to yield the right of way to a pedestrian in a crosswalk

• Rear-ending someone important, like Ben (Jerry is on his own)

5-pointers

• Failure to yield the right of way to an emergency vehicle

• Failure to stop for a school bus that has stopped with red warning lights flashing