Word on the street is you're thinking about becoming Usher. While we're always happy to support your dreams, we also feel somewhat obligated to warn you that achieving this one in particular is bound to be a long and difficult journey. For starters, the world's already got an Usher—in fact, he's probably touring somewhere nearby. 

And for another thing...ohhh, wait, you meant an usher. Okay, that makes more sense. Pfft, you can totally be one of those.

"Usher," from the Latin ustiarius (you can always count on Latin to make things sound cool), means "one who ushes." Just kidding—it means "one who mostly stands around, but sometimes lets people into a room and points them at a chair." And yes, before you ask, it's just as glamorous as it sounds.

Typically employed by theaters and sporting venues, ushers are not usually salaried, and make an average of $9.87 an hour (source). If you're looking to split hairs (and those planning to make this sort of wage probably should be), landing a job with a performing arts company can jump that average up to $10.65 (source). Honk, honk. Lamborghini incoming.

If you're wondering why people of this profession don't seem to make all that much, you probably won't have to research much beyond their job description to figure it out. For the most part, they're checking tickets. Not analyzing them. Not even reading what they say. That's right; they're being paid to see a thing. That someone is showing them. It's not exactly rocket science.

 

When Anna asked Joe where the Johnsons should sit for Christmas dinner, he totally knew exactly what to do. (Source)

Ushers are also seat experts, capable of performing a variety of seat-related functions. How many seats are available? Where is my seat? Can I have a better seat? Can someone please come here and clean this soda-drenched popcorn from beneath my seat? If you're an usher, you'd better be ready to answer with a "sixteen; fifth row; I'll be happy to check on that; but of course."

Ushers are actually expected to learn these intensive duties on the job as opposed to in the classroom of a major educational institution. 

Often, ushers don't even have to finish high school. Just show up, make nice with the manager, fill out an application, and presto: you could be wearing the over-starched bowtie of your dreams in no time. Sure, you might not get healthcare or 401(k) options, but you will smell like popcorn all the time, so there's that.

As they say, a job's a job, and if ushering is going to be your job, then you'll need to be professional. Employers will want you trim and clean (especially at a theater or performing arts center), polite, and able to ignore your patrons' inevitable snark and criticism like a champ.

 

By the time Sarah fixed her flat tire and arrived for her shift, it was too late. (Source)

You'll also need to be punctual—just imagine if the show started before you arrived. How would people find their seats? It'd be anarchy, we tell you. 

Anarchy.

"Oh ho ho," you might be thinking. "If I work at a theater, then what happens once the show begins? They can't send me home yet, and all the work is done. I'll just sit on my butt playing interactive teen fiction on my iPhone, making bank." First of all, you make, like, ten dollars an hour. Second of all, if you think your manager isn't going to squeeze you out like some sort of menial labor sponge, then think again.

Any time a show is on, you can expect to begin your secret second job: janitor. Facilities under the foot traffic of thousands get dirty, and fast. That means fingerprints on the glass, apocalyptic bathrooms, and overflowing garbage rivers pouring out from the cans. 

And the fun doesn't stop there. Guess what you'll likely be doing after the show. You got it, cleaning the auditoriums. In fact, you may wind up doing so much cleaning, that you'll begin to wonder why your job title is "usher" at all.

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